Fear and Courage: Unlikely Bedfellows
In the aftermath of the recent election, I found myself grappling with a profound sense of fear and anxiety. It was as though the very fabric of our country was unraveling, and I couldn’t shake the nagging fear that we might be veering dangerously close to a dictatorship. As I sat with these emotions, I realized something equally powerful was rising within me—a deep well of courage. Despite the fear, there was an undeniable surge of energy, a drive to step up and support the world in the best way I could. Both emotions, fear and courage, coexisted within me with an intensity that seemed almost contradictory.
When friends asked me how I was doing in the wake of the election, I responded jokingly that I felt like a “balanced and stable schizophrenic.” Of course, I didn’t mean this in any clinical sense, but instead, I was trying to express the overwhelming internal split I was experiencing. It was as if two very different parts of me were at war—one filled with paralyzing fear and the other bursting with fierce resolve.
This internal conflict reminded me of something I had experienced before—something I had become quite familiar with—the feeling of fear when waiting for essential health results. Every time I faced this uncertainty, fear and anxiety would come rushing in without fail. Over time, as I went through this cycle repeatedly, something shifted. I realized that fear wasn’t helping me. It was draining me. So, I made a conscious choice: I decided not to feed the fear. Instead, I would focus on trust. I told myself that, whatever the outcome, there was nothing I could do about it right now, so I might as well try to distract myself and focus on other things.
Coexisting with fear fuels my essential need to care for myself.
But here’s the strange thing: when I consciously chose not to engage with my fear, I noticed that I began to feel drained, sluggish, and disconnected. At first, I didn’t understand it, but over time, I realized that suppressing my fear didn’t make it disappear. It just left me feeling empty, as if my vitality was leaking out of me. Have you ever experienced a time when you tried to push a feeling away, only to discover that it didn’t vanish—it simply drained your energy?
This was a turning point for me—a pivotal moment that accelerated an ongoing process of self-discovery. I realized how important it is to feel everything that arises within us, especially the difficult emotions. There is power in fully experiencing our feelings. Not only is it vital on an emotional level, but it’s also energetically invigorating.
The energy we often avoid is the very energy that can fuel us
Over time, I developed a practice of accepting and witnessing my emotions. It wasn’t enough to just feel them—I had to honor them, too. When I feel fear, for instance, I now say something like:
“I accept you, fear. Take all the time you need. I’m sorry for any resistance I may have toward you. I know you are my vitality, and it is essential that I embrace you fully. I won’t let you control me, but I will feel you fully for as long as you are here, and I will also seek the wisdom I need to stay grounded and focused.”
There’s a particular paradox here. Something miraculous happens when we allow our feelings to be felt fully without suppressing or indulging them excessively. We find ourselves with greater access to energy and vitality and stop getting lost in them. Instead, we begin a unique coexistence with them. It’s as if we’re saying to ourselves:
“I am both present with my emotions and beyond them. I can feel you fully, fear, and yet I am not lost in you. I see you for what you are—energy—and I choose to use that energy wisely.”
This is the key: we don’t have to avoid or repress our emotions, but we also don’t let them dominate our lives. Instead, we can use our wisdom to navigate them. We can engage with our feelings without allowing them to take control of our thoughts and actions. It’s about finding a delicate balance where we don’t suppress our emotions, yet we don’t let them hijack our ability to think clearly or act purposefully.
Let’s return to the fear I felt after the election. This fear will likely persist for a long time; it’s not going away anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean I have to be overwhelmed by it. The breakthrough comes when we allow our fear to coexist with our sense of resilience and purpose. We can acknowledge fear, be thankful for its warnings, and still find the energy and clarity to do what needs to be done.
Here’s what this might look like in practice:
- Acknowledge and accept the emotion: “Fear, I see you. You’re alerting me to danger, and I appreciate your vigilance. But I don’t need to dwell on you. I can feel you and still choose my actions.”
- Take responsibility for your emotional state: “I embrace you, fear, yet you do not control me.” I am free to ask myself, “How can I best care for myself now, and how can I take effective action in the world, while you continue to be there?”
- Use fear as fuel: “It’s natural to feel fear in these circumstances. I am grounded in my authenticity and can channel this energy into thoughts, attitudes, and actions that help me move forward.”
- Stay focused on your higher purpose: “I recognize that fear can easily pull me into a spiral of future-oriented thoughts, but I choose to stay present. I will acknowledge my fear while focusing on my purpose and the things I can control.”
- Be kind to yourself when you fall out of balance: “I know I will sometimes struggle to maintain this balance, and that’s okay. I’m human. When I lose my balance, I gently encourage myself to realign with my wisdom and purpose.”
- Seek support when needed: “I will connect with mentors, friends, and guides who help me stay grounded in my feelings while supporting me in finding clarity and purpose. I will surround myself with people who can hold space for my fears and wisdom.”
Living with fear is not about getting rid of or pushing it away. It’s about allowing it to exist alongside our capacity for wisdom and action. Fear is a messenger, not a master. If we can fully feel our emotions without letting them hijack our lives, we open the door to a more profound sense of vitality and purpose. And that is the most significant breakthrough of all.