This exercise invites you to reflect on how economic differences shape your relationships. It’s designed to help you notice internal barriers and begin to soften them with compassion and honesty.
1. How do you view your background—more fortunate or less fortunate?
Take a moment to reflect honestly. Has your economic background generally given you ease, or made things harder?
2. Give the details of either or both of these possibilities. Ask the questions:
How can I continue to make the best of my situation?
What are the thoughts, attitudes, and actions that will help me the most?
These questions can go on for decades when you make it a practice.
3. Place yourself on a scale from 1 to 3, where:
1 = mostly disadvantaged
2 = somewhere in the middle
3 = mostly fortunate4. In one sentence, describe your biggest internal block when connecting with someone from a different economic background.
If you’re more fortunate, it might sound like:
“I think you could work harder,” or “I feel guilty and don’t know how to help, so I avoid you.” It might feel like: “I haven’t really looked closely at how much I actually need and follow gut feelings that I was taught by people who were operating from fear. I have a hunch that I’m better off than I feel, but I’m too busy following my feelings to look closely. I just don’t want to feel fear or be foolish and be caught without enough money, so I want a little extra…”
If you’re less fortunate, it might sound like:
“I feel like I don’t have enough, and I spend time in that anxiety. I am not looking closely at whether I am doing what I need to do to take care of myself, which keeps me stuck.”
This is not about judging yourself—it’s about naming what’s in the way, as truthfully as you can from your wisest self.
5. Now, ask for the wisdom (as explored in prior articles) that can help bridge the gap.
If you are:
- Mostly Fortunate:
“I want to understand your pain. I see that it’s been harder for you than it has been for me.”
- Mostly Disadvantaged:
“My anger is mine to work through—I don’t want to carry it into this relationship.”
Notice how this feels in your body and heart, if you really engage the suggestion that applies to your life..
Ask: How can I develop my thoughts, actions, and attitudes to be most at peace and fulfilled?
If you find yourself resisting this process, it may be a sign of internalized bias or a closed heart—and an invitation to soften. If it feels easy, ask yourself honestly: Am I living this?
Practicing it? Reaching out to those in different circumstances, or dedicating yourself to your own best efforts?
Finally, take a breath.
- How does this reflection affect you?
- Does it shift anything?
- Does it matter to you?
By naming your experience and asking for guidance, you take a small but powerful step toward healing separation. This is the heart of the work: learning to meet difference with presence, not distance. Most importantly as with all of these patterns, you recognize that the question can be a core part of your identity for the rest of your life. You may need the help of an experienced counselor or someone who is farther along the path in this way than you are. You ask, How can I best take care of myself by reframing my thoughts, actions, and attitudes?